An end and a new beginning
On Friday we found out some very terrible news. My paternal grandmother had passed away. Her name was Marie and she was almost 94 years old.
After hearing the news I had mixed emotions. I was sad to hear that her life here on earth was gone and that we would never get to see or talk to her again. I was sad for my father for losing his mother. I was sad because I wished I had known her better.
I happened to be born in the same town my paternal grandparents resided in. However, my time living close to them was short and for the majority of my life I had a long distance relationship with all my grandparents.
As a child I remember visiting on summer break and playing in their backyard with all their dogs (they bred shelties) and running in the strawberry fields that grew beside their house. At Christmas time I remember visiting with them as the whole family gathered for a warm meal and for the traditional Christmas gift openings.
Unfortunately, my grandfather, Marie's husband, passed away when I was 13. It was pretty much after that, that I remember feeling that I was losing my grandmother. I believe his death broke her heart and she was never the same. For a few years she lived in an apartment but it wasn't long after his passing that we had learned she had dementia.
My visits no longer included a yard full of dogs or strawberry fields. My visits were much shorter and included a sadder state of being, not only for my grandmother, but for all of us.
From what I can recall dementia seemed to quickly take my grandmother. Her memory was no longer what it used to be and my visits with her were visits from a stranger. One time I do recall her saying to me, "You look familiar." I am most certain she did not recognize me as her granddaughter, but perhaps I reminded her of another family member or perhaps just another stranger she had met that had shared some similarities.
I found myself wishing this weekend that I had a different relationship with my grandmother. I wish I had spent the summers with her baking cookies and hearing of all her life stories and doing the things that so many other kids had done with their grandparents growing up.
Mostly, I had just wished that when I had gotten older and the want and need to have a connection with my grandparents was present, that I would of had the chance. However, it was already too late to have it with her as the dementia had already stole her away.
It's not as though I know no stories of her. My dad often told us kids of how when my grandmother was a young lady she wanted to be a nun. She was living in the convent when she took leave to take care of her sick mother. The start of the war lead her to work at a factory, which lead her to meeting some of my grandfather's relatives, which eventually lead her to meeting my grandfather and the rest is history.
I know she had always been a woman of faith, and after hearing the eulogy my father gave at her funeral mass, I learned just how strong her faith was. It was clear that even after leaving the convent she still shared a deep connection to the church and to God.
On Sunday, the day we left town to go to her visitation and funeral, we baptized my son. It was a wonderful celebration welcoming him into his walk with God. We celebrated with family and friends as Ray faced his first major milestone in his faith.
After Tuesday, I realized that I also had a wonderful gift for his baptism. I had the presence of my grandmother. There is no doubt in my mind that she was there to see her youngest grandson take his first steps into his relationship with his faith, the faith that had meant so much to her. The idea of her being among us to celebrate such a wonderful day in his life made me happy and made me realize that perhaps, even now, I can have a relationship with my grandmother ... one I hadn't been able to have before.
I am a firm believer that when someone passes on their soul can still be with us. I feel as though the real Marie is back and now she can visit us and help us celebrate all the wonderful things in our lives that she had been missing for years due to her dementia.
When I said earlier that I had mixed emotions from her passing, I did have mixed emotions. I was sad for losing her, but I was happy that she was no longer a prisoner to her disease. I was happy to know that she was reunited with the love of her life, my grandfather.
I truly believe that even in times of sorrow there is still much to be celebrated. I am thankful that we still have so much more life to celebrate and I am thankful knowing that Marie will be watching over us as we do.
After hearing the news I had mixed emotions. I was sad to hear that her life here on earth was gone and that we would never get to see or talk to her again. I was sad for my father for losing his mother. I was sad because I wished I had known her better.
I happened to be born in the same town my paternal grandparents resided in. However, my time living close to them was short and for the majority of my life I had a long distance relationship with all my grandparents.
As a child I remember visiting on summer break and playing in their backyard with all their dogs (they bred shelties) and running in the strawberry fields that grew beside their house. At Christmas time I remember visiting with them as the whole family gathered for a warm meal and for the traditional Christmas gift openings.
Unfortunately, my grandfather, Marie's husband, passed away when I was 13. It was pretty much after that, that I remember feeling that I was losing my grandmother. I believe his death broke her heart and she was never the same. For a few years she lived in an apartment but it wasn't long after his passing that we had learned she had dementia.
My visits no longer included a yard full of dogs or strawberry fields. My visits were much shorter and included a sadder state of being, not only for my grandmother, but for all of us.
From what I can recall dementia seemed to quickly take my grandmother. Her memory was no longer what it used to be and my visits with her were visits from a stranger. One time I do recall her saying to me, "You look familiar." I am most certain she did not recognize me as her granddaughter, but perhaps I reminded her of another family member or perhaps just another stranger she had met that had shared some similarities.
I found myself wishing this weekend that I had a different relationship with my grandmother. I wish I had spent the summers with her baking cookies and hearing of all her life stories and doing the things that so many other kids had done with their grandparents growing up.
Mostly, I had just wished that when I had gotten older and the want and need to have a connection with my grandparents was present, that I would of had the chance. However, it was already too late to have it with her as the dementia had already stole her away.
It's not as though I know no stories of her. My dad often told us kids of how when my grandmother was a young lady she wanted to be a nun. She was living in the convent when she took leave to take care of her sick mother. The start of the war lead her to work at a factory, which lead her to meeting some of my grandfather's relatives, which eventually lead her to meeting my grandfather and the rest is history.
I know she had always been a woman of faith, and after hearing the eulogy my father gave at her funeral mass, I learned just how strong her faith was. It was clear that even after leaving the convent she still shared a deep connection to the church and to God.
On Sunday, the day we left town to go to her visitation and funeral, we baptized my son. It was a wonderful celebration welcoming him into his walk with God. We celebrated with family and friends as Ray faced his first major milestone in his faith.
After Tuesday, I realized that I also had a wonderful gift for his baptism. I had the presence of my grandmother. There is no doubt in my mind that she was there to see her youngest grandson take his first steps into his relationship with his faith, the faith that had meant so much to her. The idea of her being among us to celebrate such a wonderful day in his life made me happy and made me realize that perhaps, even now, I can have a relationship with my grandmother ... one I hadn't been able to have before.
I am a firm believer that when someone passes on their soul can still be with us. I feel as though the real Marie is back and now she can visit us and help us celebrate all the wonderful things in our lives that she had been missing for years due to her dementia.
When I said earlier that I had mixed emotions from her passing, I did have mixed emotions. I was sad for losing her, but I was happy that she was no longer a prisoner to her disease. I was happy to know that she was reunited with the love of her life, my grandfather.
I truly believe that even in times of sorrow there is still much to be celebrated. I am thankful that we still have so much more life to celebrate and I am thankful knowing that Marie will be watching over us as we do.
.jpg)
Comments
Post a Comment