Pregnancy fears

So, I have officially started my sixth month of pregnancy. I guess you would say I’m on the downhill slope of pregnancy. I have to admit that having passed the halfway point and having began the slide down towards the due date I have started to become more nervous of what lies ahead of me. I’m sure that’s normal … right?

I guess you would classify what I am feeling as fear. It’s funny because typically I am the person who fears everything all the time. Okay, maybe not all the time but I am definitely a self proclaimed worry wart. If there is something to worry about I’m usually all over it.

It has been rather surprising that pregnancy has been such a calming and enlightening experience for me. I find that overall I have been more calm these past 5 months than I could have ever imagined myself being in pregnancy.  I feel very at peace with myself and with pregnancy. I feel that pregnancy is what gives me that sense of calm. Knowing that Ray is in there brings peace to me.

However, the last week I have began to realize how close we are to the due date. I know we aren’t right on top of the date but we are on the second half of pregnancy. I find myself battling some fears, all of which I am sure are common.

I think my first and most obvious fear is what all soon-to-be parents worry about and that’s financials. Even though we discussed our budget and figured out how our budget will change I all of a sudden worry that perhaps we missed something or perhaps we figured wrong. Are we really financially ready for this baby?  Too late! He’s a coming and we have to be ready or not!  Why does it seem that only if we had won that $600 Mega Millions would we be financially sound enough for raising a child?

My second most obvious fear is how this baby is going to make his entrance into the world. Yes, I am talking about labor and the actual birthing process. I didn’t think about this much during the first part of pregnancy but all of a sudden its hit me like a ton of bricks that there are only two ways this baby can come out and neither option sounds appealing to me. I find myself watching 16-year-olds birth babies on T.V. and I think to myself well if they can do it so can I . Then I see the actual birthing process and I’m scared shitless again.

Another major concern of mine lately has been worrying about how great of a parent am I going to be.  I used to see parents out and about with their children and judge.  I would see kids throw themselves down in a range of tantrum and the parent doing one of two things, either ignoring the child almost completely or being the complete opposite and screaming at their child like insane people. I would always find myself judging them in my head.  Now I see it happening and I think … OMG what would I do in this situation? Am I going to be a hard ass or am I going to let my child run my life?

The good news is that even after I have all these fears I realize that there is a balance to life. Could we use more money in our life? Of course we could. Who doesn’t think that? But we are lucky enough to have more than a lot of people out there.  Will I be strong enough to handle labor and birth? Of course I can! Women have been birthing babies for centuries.  My body is made to do this.  Will I be a good parent? Of course I will be! I know that I already love Ray with every ounce of my being. How could I go wrong?

Chad and I are blessed by both having been raised in amazing households with amazing families. Our parents did a wonderful job raising us and I know that their parenting qualities have rubbed off on us. If we are even half the parents our parents were Raymond will be one lucky kid!